


Fuck Halloween

by SilverSongLark



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: Adult Losers Club (IT), Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Author Is Sleep Deprived, Beverly Marsh & Richie Tozier Are Best Friends, Beverly Marsh Knows Everything, Beverly Marsh Lives With Her Aunt, Beverly Marsh is a Good Friend, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Cute, Domestic Fluff, Dyslexic Author, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Established Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Grounding techniques, Halloween, Hallucinations, Homophobia, Hurt/Comfort, I'm Sorry, M/M, My First Work in This Fandom, POV Richie Tozier, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pet Names, Post-Movie: The Losers (2010), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Losers Club (IT), Richie Tozier & Stanley Uris Are Best Friends, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, Richie Tozier is a Mess, Sleepy Cuddles, Stanley Uris is So Done, Stanley Uris is a Good Friend, Supportive Losers Club (IT), Teenage Losers Club (IT), Use of the f slur, blood metion, first fic in a while
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:34:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24004408
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverSongLark/pseuds/SilverSongLark
Summary: All the losers suffered in their own way after the events at Neibolt and with no one who could understand their trauma more than each other, the worst night of their lives each year is a night they take back for themselves. Richie and Eddie had each other and the losers. That's all they needed.Teen Losers in Chapter One and Post-it Losers in Chapter Two.This is in Richie's POV so this fic focuses mainly on himself, Eddie, and their relationship.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak & Richie Tozier, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 5
Kudos: 17





	1. Senior Year

Halloween sucked. It probably always would from now on, for the losers at least. 

So it became a ritual for the seven losers to meet every year specifically on this day, no matter what, to seek comfort in each other on a shitty day that came around once a year. Beverly even managed to convince her aunt to bring her down. 

So that’s how Richie got here. Watching the outside of Eddie’s house and pestering him hurry up out of his house over text in the hopes they can just miss the trick or treaters. Richie looked up from his phone as the 5th text delivered to Eddie. He was trying his hardest not to look skittish or anxious as he leaned against the lamppost but honestly at this point he wished he'd stayed home, even if the house would have been empty. It was Bill’s year to host but he’d been out of town with his parents for a couple of days so had told the other losers they’d have to start later than usual and everyone else seemed fine with it so Richie begrudgingly agreed as well knowing full well that with Eddie’s track record, it was a very likely possibility he and Eddie would get caught in the first wave of the younger trick or treaters. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad Richie thought, looking up and down the road again. He pulled his backpack back up onto his shoulder as it began to slip and held onto it tightly, running his free hand through his mop of curls and he sighed. Seventeen years old and the idea of running into a kid dressed as a clown terrified him. The losers had all discussed this of course, multiple times in the 5 years since the worst summer of their lives. They’d all reassured each other that their fears were valid and they were allowed that but Richie couldn’t help but get in his head about it. What happens in 30 years? Does he still risk punching a party clown in the face when it gets too close to him in his 40s? Does this shit get easier or harder the further away he gets? Is that fucking clown going to come back and ruin whatever life he’s made for himself? What if-. 

Richie was shook out of his thoughts as the door opened and the small figure of Eddie appeared in the doorway. Their eyes locked and Eddie beamed at him. Richie couldn’t help but grin back, all of his previous anxiety disappearing at the sight of his boyfriend, not that anyone outside of the losers knew that. Then he noticed the large duffle bag Eddie had over his shoulder and chuckled. Of course that’s what he’d been doing “Seriously Eds? I text you when I was leaving but your mom and I still managed to get 2 rounds in while I was waiting” Eddie looked disgusted as he walked over to Richie “Beep Beep Rich” he groaned and rolled his eyes. Richie held out his free hand to take Eddie’s bag and frowned as he slung it over his shoulder with his own bag “Jesus Spaghetti did you pack for all the losers?” Eddie just started walking but Richie’s sure he probably missed another eye roll and began walking too, catching up to Eddie within a stride or two “No. I just need to be prepared and you know what my mom’s like-” “All to well Eds” Richie interrupted smirking and wiggling his suggestively “Seriously Trashmouth? You get like 2 more mom jokes tonight. Max. Do you really wanna waste them on me?” Richie’s smirk fell into a grin as he sighed “You’re right I’m sure the other losers will be jealous if I waste all the dirty details on you” Eddie groaned but smiled slightly. He looked up at the taller boy after a few moments of silence and said quietly “Sorry I took so long Rich, I know you wanted to get there quick” Richie just pinched his cheek playfully “Don’t stress Eddie Spaghetti, I get it. We’ll get there and it'll be fine.” 

Now Richie had the nickname ‘Trashmouth’ for a reason. The reason being that his mouth worked quicker than his brain so he kind of had a lack of control of the things that came out of it, that’s the ADHD as well but he also had a tendency of talking too soon. This was one of those times. 

As they rounded the corner off of Eddie’s street, Richie felt himself freeze. The street had begun to fill with parents and their children, trying to get the trick or treating out of the way early and still get their children to bed at a reasonable time. Great for them, horrible for Eddie and Richie. The fastest way to Bill’s house was down this road and it was now full of child-sized zombies and werewolves with a sprinkling of fairies and princesses. That wasn’t even necessarily the worst part of the whole holiday; it was the “wonderful” parents who decided to join in the festivities and dress up too. They were always more believable to Richie. It was no secret that Richie struggled after Neibolt, hell they all did but Richie’s parents were so concerned with the recurring nightmares and his refusal to admit anything was wrong that they started him in therapy. Richie wasn’t against the idea but saw it as kinda pointless when most of his trauma would get him put on antipsychotics and chucked in the looney bin rooming with Henry Bowers for the rest of his days. He always managed to make up excuses or dodge the subject when his therapist tried to talk about that summer and eventually she put it down to the PTSD making him forget and Richie wished that was the case instead he was given a new list of pills to try with nothing ever working. As well as that Richie had always had some underlying anxiety but was bound to when you risked having the shit beat into you for your coke bottle glasses and the people you hung out with. Everything got worse mentally after Neibolt. So panic attacks weren’t uncommon but that didn’t make them any easier to deal with. 

Every muscle tensed up and it felt like someone had bolted Richie’s feet to the floor and delivered a swift kick to his chest knocking all the air out of him. He felt a light fingertips brush against his arm as if testing the waters to see how he would react and then a light grip with one hand as another pushed his face away from the horrors that lay down the street. Richie’s panicked eyes finally met Eddie’s warm brown ones “Breathe with me. It’s okay. I’m right here, okay?” Richie felt as Eddie moved Richies hand to his chest so that Richie could feel him breathing and copy so he wouldn’t hyperventilate. As he began to calm down Eddie started mumbling to him quietly “I’m sorry Richie, I really am...We should have taken the back way.” Richie shook his head “I’m fine Eds...Don’t be sorry.” He looked around and briefly down the street again and looked back to Eddie “I know it’ll take longer but we can still take the back way anyway, right?” Eddie nodded “Yeah of course we can…”

Sure it was longer but it was more scenic, trekking through the dirt paths. It was also more private with little to no trick or treaters and it meant that Richie could hold Eddie’s hand without the dirty looks and the shouts of “faggots”. Every cloud has a silver lining as they say. Eddie gently swung their hands as they walked, talking about whatever crazy shit Sonia Kaspbrak had him believing now. Richie smiled softly, just letting him speak. He loved the losers more than most things but not Eddie. He loved Eddie more and he loved when they had time like this. Alone and able to be themselves.

Richie was a smart kid, got good grades but “lacked common sense” according to most of his teachers but if Richie knew anything for sure, it was that good things don't last. Another thing Richie knew is the lack of an alpha just leaves room for another to step up and take its place. In theory the deaths of Patrick, Vic and Belch and Henry being locked up should have meant peace for the losers club, however this wasn’t the case. Instead they started high school and met a whole other bunch of assholes. Dennis was the leader of said assholes and the first Richie saw as he quickly dropped Eddie’s hand. Thankfully he’d missed the small act of affection between the two boys but that doesn’t mean he’d let them off “What are you faggots doing all the way out here?” Richie glared as Dennis’ groupies Kurt and Erik appeared from out behind the trees too “I could ask you the same question. It’s halloween, shouldn’t you be somewhere stealing a kids candy?” Dennis took a step forward and in turn Richie moved himself in front of Eddie, prepared to take any punch or kick the gang was ready to throw “You’re mouthy 4 eyes you’d think you would know better” He had a point, Richie should know better by now yet he continued to taunt and irritate the bullies whenever they came at him or his friends, especially Eddie. Richie noticed the bullies form in around them causing Richie to push Eddie back slightly and it was only then that Richie really took in the bullies outfits they all seemed to be wearing normal clothes and he couldn’t help but notice some half assed mask in the hand of Kurt and he noticed Dennis and Erik had similar mask on their heads and it was only as Erik glanced down at the floor that Richie realised they were clown masks. Of course it was fucking clowns. Richie wanted to leave now more than he did already. He tried to sound annoyed but even he couldn’t deny the crack in his voice “Look can we get past or not?” Dennis smirked and moved in closer again “Do you want to try flamer?” Richie looked away, glancing over his shoulder to check on Eddie who was standing behind him, still but fists clenched. Richie sighed and looked back “If you don’t want anything then we’re going, come on Eds” he went to push past when he was quickly shoved to the floor, glasses falling from his face somewhere to the side of him “Hey! What the hell? We’re just trying to get past what the fuck is your issue asshole?” Richie heard Eddie yelling he started patting the ground around him frantically, swiftly finding his glasses and pushing them onto his face.  
He could now see Eddie facing off with Dennis, fists still clenched and if he was scared he sure as hell wasn’t showing it. Richie got up and watched ready to step in if he needed too. Dennis laughed “What are you going to do girly boy?” “Don’t fucking call him that” Richie said before he could stop himself but at least his attention was off Eddie now “I’m not fucking talking to you” “Well I’m talking to you! Seriously, it’s halloween and I know for a fact there are plenty of parties going on tonight and here you are hanging out in the woods because you weren’t invited to any. You call us losers but at least we have fucking friends! Jesus Christ!” Richie was right in Dennis’ face now and was bracing himself for impact, another case of his mouth moving before his brain. After a moment he realised the punch wasn’t coming. Dennis’ looked just about ready to burst but it seemed he had nothing else to say. Richie took this as an invite to leave so putting his hand on Eddie’s back he guided him out of the semicircle formed around them and pushed past the bullies walking fast, not looking and not saying anything else even has he heard Dennis turn on his heels and shout after them “You’re dead Tozier! You’re so fucking dead! Just you wait you filthy faggot. I’ll get you and your freak friends!” Richie said nothing just kept walking and kept dragging Eddie along with him.

“Richie? Rich….” he glanced at Eddie softly speaking to him and then behind him, the bullies being well out of sight now and stopped “Shit.” he breathed out running a hand through his hair to brush it away from his face, even if it was momentarily “Are you okay?” Eddie looked up at him in disbelief “Am I okay? You’re the one who got shoved. Let me see.” Before he had time to protest Richie could feel Eddie shoving the sleeves up on his jacket to check his arms and elbows and then two hands on either cheek checking his face, worried eyes examining him. Richie couldn’t help himself and would usually wait for the safety of four walls but he closed the gap between himself and the smaller boy kissing him gently, moving his own hand to his cheek. He pulled way after a moment and smiled “I’m fine Eds. I promise.” Eddie frowned again before smiling too “Well...If you’re sure and don’t call me Eds” Richie grinned “Why not? It’s cute like you” “I’m not cute. Come on stop messing around we’re late, the losers are going to get worried” Richie knew he was right. It was Eddie, he was always right. He nodded and carried on walking, this time at a slightly faster pace. 

So yeah they ended up being a little late but at this point the other losers expected nothing less of the pair. When asked what had happened Richie just chuckled and replied “Fuck Halloween. Am I right?” There was a general muttering of agreement from the others as Richie dropped their bags by the entryway of the den and flopped down into a nearby beanbag, pulling Eddie down by the waist onto his lap when he got too close and grinned “So, all Losers present what’s our plan of action Billy?” “W-Well we sh-sh-should probably order the pizza soon befff-ore they get too busy and then I th-th-think it’s Bev’s year to pick the f-f-f-film” Bill gestured over to Bev who was sat in the armchair grinning “Damn right it is. I brought some great films and nothing scary as per usual.” Richie smirked back “No offence Bev but your movie tastes are shocking I bet we’ll all be passed out halfway through the first one” Bev flipped him off “Beep Beep Trashmouth we all had to watch your movies last year. It’s the rule.” Eddie scoffed and wiggled around to get comfortable and ended up falling, pressed up next to Richie, legs still slung over Richie’s “Remember the 10 minute hammock rule? He doesn’t care about the rules” “Damn Spaghetti you’re making me sound like a badass” “Don’t call me that” Stanley rolled his eyes from his own chair “Ignoring the rules doesn’t make you “badass” it makes you reckless” Richie grinned over at him “Same difference. Now Big Bill said something about pizza and I for one am fucking starving. Who’s with me?” The other losers agreed and started giving their orders to Stanley who they all agreed would do better on the phone than Bill. 

The pizza arrived pretty quickly and fine, Bev’s film choice wasn’t terrible. It wasn’t exactly Richie’s taste but so far they lived up to the promise of not being scary, the worst part from this current movie was when the one lion killed the other lions dad, Richie hadn’t caught names he was too busy focusing on Eddie who was truly engrossed in the movie. After eating a few slices of pizza he’d decided he was full and had cuddled close into Richie, arms wrapped around his middle, head resting against Richie’s chest and eyes never leaving the screen. Richie meanwhile had one arm wrapped around Eddie keeping him in place and was using his free hand to play carefully with his hair not wanting to break his attention from the film. A few minutes into this relaxed state they found themselves in Richie had made eye contact with Stan who made a silent gagging gesture before rolling his eyes and smiling. Richie responded only with flipping him off and smiling himself. Richie was never happier than when he was with the losers like this and they all gave each other grief but they all cared about each other and he knew the losers were happy for the comfort Richie and Eddie had found in each other. God knows they all deserved a break once in a while, especially after half the shit they’d been through. The movie continued and Richie found himself paying less and less attention they were singing a song about not giving a fuck and honestly Richie wished it was that easy but alas this is Maine and not only that, it’s Derry, the town would probably always be one massive homophobic, racist dumpster fire and Richie couldn’t wait to get him and Eddie far away from this place. He leaned down and pressed small kisses to the top of Eddie’s head and Eddie just hummed in approval and cuddled in closer to Richie smiling. Richie was lucky. So lucky and he knew that better than anyone and after being given the chance to make Eddie happy he wouldn’t waste a single moment of it. He tightened his grip around Eddie before resting his chin atop his head deciding finally it was time to tune back into the movie. 

The other losers started dropping off like flies. They lost Ben to sleep first, Richie suggested getting a marker and writing him but he got beeped for that pretty quickly. Next they lost Bill and Mike around the same time and then even Eddie couldn’t keep his eyes open anymore, leaving Stanley, Richie and Bev who sat in silence for a while before Bev broke it with a quick glance to Stan and then turning to Richie away from the screen “So...Are you going to tell us why you and Eddie were late?” Richie didn’t look from the screen already sensing where this was going. “Well Eds wanted to get out earlier but someone had to keep his mom busy long enough for him to pack that bag” Stan groaned “Beep Beep Rich. That’s gross” “We’re being serious Richie” Richie opened his mouth to make another joke to deflect the question hoping they’d drop it but he knew better by now so he just sighed and leaned back in the beanbag “You know...Trick or Treaters. We could have got here on time but I froze up...couldn’t make it a couple of steps let alone the whole street so we took the dirt paths and ran into Dennis and his goons which went as well as you could imagine” Richie paused to look down at the sleeping Eddie who was breathing softly against Richie “What if he got hurt because of me? Because I’m so pathetic I can’t walk past some kids in fancy dress?” Bev got up from her chair making her way over carefully before kneeling next to Richie and hugging him close “You’re not pathetic. You’re the bravest person I know.” Richie scoffed “No you are. You aren’t afraid to be yourself and you aren’t scared to love truly and with all your heart. You make us all laugh even when we’re all terrified. You’re so much braver than you think, so what if you get scared of something that’s intended to be scary? We all have our fears and we all feel like that every now and again. You’re putting so much pressure on yourself Rich...You’re doing great.” Richie smiled slightly and hugged her back “Thanks Bevvie...I love you” Bev smiled back at him “I love you too Richie. We all do.” Stanley had gotten up too at some point during Bev’s speech and moved to hug Richie too and Richie couldn’t help but laugh “What is this? Sap hour? Are we finishing this film or not?” Stanley simply raised an eyebrow “You were actually watching it?” “Oh no not at all I’m just trying to divert attention away from me right now.” Stanley laughed “Trashmouth diverting attention? Who would have thought huh?” Richie just wrapped his arms back around Eddie and wiggled to get comfy. Eddie shifted slightly but only to bury his face in the nook of Richie’s neck. Richie smiled to himself you know what? Maybe he was happy to stay like this, yeah they had to deal with all the bullshit of everyone else in this godforsaken town but he had Eddie and he had his friends and then he had moments like these where nothing else mattered...and maybe it didn’t matter. Not now at least. Not right now.


	2. Post IT

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Following the final fight with IT the losers decided to continue their long-forgotten annual tradition so gather at Ben and Beverly's for another Halloween.

Fuck Halloween man. 

Almost 30 years after their first fight with the fucking clown and Halloween still sucked for each and every loser. Even when they’d been apart and didn’t remember anything about their childhood in Derry, they all knew Halloween sucked. So unfortunately for Richie, the price of remembering his friends and the love of his life was also remembering all his bullshit trauma with the anxiety and PTSD coming back in full force not that it ever went away. It was just dormant.

Richie was standing by the door of the small but homely apartment, scratching his leg. It didn’t itch. Maybe it did to start with but it didn’t itch now. Grounding that’s what his therapist said to him a lot. He started looking around, mental inventory was one he found usually helped. Black rucksack. Black leather jacket. Red jacket hanging on the coat hook. A pile of discarded shoes. 

“Richie?” He glanced over towards the voice that came from the doorway of their bedroom, hand still persisting in it’s scratching motion, anxiety building. Eddie looked back at him with those worried eyes he always looked at Richie with, the ones that Richie could lose himself in for hours. Eddie walked over to him simply taking Richie’s hand in his own “What’s wrong? What are you thinking?” Richie’s hand stopped and instead moved to intertwine their fingers, squeezing Eddie’s hand earning him a gentle squeeze back and a warm smile “Nothing...Nothing I’m…” he trailed off before he could finish knowing already there was no way Eddie would believe him “We could stay home tonight. Turn off the lights and pretend we’re not in?” Eddie smiled at him reassuringly “We could you’re right but we promised the losers. Plus do you really want to skip out on seeing them? Everyone’s going to be there.” He was right. Everyone was going to be here and it was tradition. He couldn’t just skip out on it like nothing. Richie hadn’t seen the other losers in months and it was no one's fault. They weren’t 13 anymore. They had jobs and families to focus on plus Richie had been on tour, Bill was turning his latest book into a movie, Ben and Bev were traveling and making up for lost time, Mike was making the most of getting out of Derry and- 

“Richie?” Shit, his other hand was scratching now and he still hadn’t responded to Eddie. He smiled at Eddie a bit too widely “You’re right Eds. I can’t miss it but you know how Halloween gets.” Eddie slowly took hold of Richie’s other hand and stepped in closer. He pressed Richie’s hands against his chest and smiled softly. Richie watched the rise and fall of Eddie’s breathing under his hands and soon enough was matching it with his own. Eddie always knew when Richie was working himself up before Richie even knew. Eddie leaned forward and pressed a kiss to his forehead “I know. That’s why we’re seeing the losers so we can all feel like that together but if you really want to stay home we will. Okay?” Did Richie want that? He wouldn’t be opposed to a night spent curled up on the sofa with Eddie. Shut off from the world just the two of them seeking the much-needed comfort from the other's arms. As he was weighing his options his phone buzzed in his pocket. He pulled a hand free away from Eddie’s chest to pull his phone from his pocket. Eddie moved in closer wrapping his arms around Richie’s middle and resting his head against Richie’s chest “Bev?” Richie chuckled “Obviously.” “What does it say?” Eddie asked softly. Richie leaned back against the wall wrapping his free arm around Eddie “It says “You better be on your way Trashmouth, you’re not skipping on us this year.” How does she always know? She’s like a mind reader or something.” Eddie nodded and looked up at Richie grinning “She must just specialize in Richie ‘Trashmouth’ Tozier. I don’t know how I feel about her coming so swiftly for my job.” His face dropped into a frown and Richie just laughed again leaning down to kiss him lightly before moving away into the kitchen “No one could replace you Eds. You know that.” Richie opened up the cupboard and pulled out a few pill bottles. His therapist was insisting the PTSD had been flaring up worse so she wanted to try him on some stronger medication and honestly Richie was complacent. He’d take anything that would help him sleep at night. Eddie moved into the doorway and smiled “Oh I know. You’re not getting rid of me anytime soon.” Richie looked over and swallowed the pills he’d placed in his mouth “Who says I wanted you gone?” Eddie chuckled and looked back at the bag left abandoned in the hallway “So you’re going?” Richie followed his gaze before walking over and wrapping Eddie up in his arms again “Of course I am. Who’s gonna keep them all entertained if I’m not there?” Eddie smiled again and kissed his cheek “Well come on then. If we’re late you know Bev won’t let it go. Also, we need to miss the traffic otherwise we’ll be REALLY late.” Richie picked up the abandoned rucksack in the hallway and slung it over his back “You’re right Eddie Spaghetti. You’re always right.” He pushed the door open and Eddie squeezed past him out into the corridor and grinned “I know I am. I’m surprised you keep having to remind yourself. And don’t call me Eddie Spaghetti.” Richie rolled his eyes and pulled the door shut, locking it “Are you going to be like this all night?” Eddie only smiled in response and started to head out to the car. 

When outside Richie rushed forward to open the passenger side door for Eddie “After you.” Eddie hummed softly “Always the charmer” and he got into the car buckling his seatbelt while Richie closed the door and climbed into his own side “Of course Eds but only for you” he started up the engine earning an elbow in the ribs from Eddie “Seatbelt Rich. Jesus.” “Yeah yeah. I’m doing it” Richie buckled himself in and looked over at Eddie “Happy?” He received a nod in response and took off on the road to Ben and Beverly’s shared house.

The one thing that was easier about Halloween as he grew up was being out of small-town Derry and being able to drive. At least he didn’t have to face off with every trick or treaters anymore and could hide behind the metal casing of his car to the horrors outside. Everyone in LA loved Halloween and the worst part about Halloween in LA was that everyone out there seemed to have their own private makeup artist because the costumes and the makeup are more convincing than they had ever been in Derry. Richie had even added a few jokes into his routine about it which everyone seemed to love. Eddie has pushed him to be more honest in his routines and Richie was working on getting rid of the ghostwriters and replacing them with his own material. Something he could be proud of. 

Eddie was looking out the window, humming along softly to the song playing over the radio in Richie’s car. Richie had to make a mental note to focus on the road because he could lose himself and control of the car just taking in every little detail of the man he loved just existing in the passenger seat beside him. All the years apart the years of not remembering and then laying eyes on who had once been his childhood sweetheart in the Chinese restaurant for the first time in 20 years and all the memories hit him like a ton of bricks and in those first few minutes, Richie promised himself that no matter what it takes he was never letting the man go again. Never. 

Richie pulled up outside of Ben and Beverly’s new abode. It was nice living so close to two of the losers despite their busy schedules they knew that they were only a short drive away if they were needed. By the looks of it, most of the gang had already arrived making Eddie and Richie probably the last ones. What can he say? Old habits die hard. Richie got out of the car opening the car door for Eddie again and then retrieving their overnight bag from the backseat. Eddie smiled up at Richie and pressed a kiss to his cheek as they walked up the pathway to the front door. 

After quick greetings and long hugs, they finally settled in the kitchen around the breakfast island. Ben was busy sorting everyone drinks while Bev sat close to Richie “I’m glad you’re here...Especially after going dark on us for so long.” Richie smiled apologetically “Sorry Bev I didn’t mean to but ain’t no rest for the wicked. I’ve been pretty gigged out.” Beverly smiled back with that all-knowing smile “I know Ben and I saw your new Netflix special. You were really funny, Rich.” Richie grinned back “Thanks let’s talk about someone else though. Mikey, how’s Florida, huh?” Mike leaned back in his chair and Richie couldn’t recall the last time he’d seen the man so relaxed probably not since they were kids “Everything I could have imagined and more.” Ben turned around bringing the tray of drinks and placing them in the middle of the table “A much-deserved retirement.” he said smiling before taking the empty seat beside Bev. Mike chuckled and nodded “It’s better than Derry that’s for sure” Richie scoffed and rolled his eyes “Anywhere is better than Derry, you had a pretty low standard to meet.” Bill leaned in, grabbing himself a drink “And we never have to set foot in that town again so....I’m hungry. We’re getting pizza right? We always used to get pizza.” Mike nodded along with Bill “He’s right guys it’s tradition.” Beverly laughed and pulled a menu for a nearby place from a drawer, already knowing “Of course we are. I’m not about to start breaking tradition now.” 

They talked a bit more bickering over what types of pizza to get and who would pay and what sides everyone wanted. Richie stood and moved over towards his bag that had been long abandoned on the floor “I don’t know why we’re all arguing about this now without Eds. He’s gonna come in and mess everything up with people orders spouting some bullshit about GMOs or some other crap.” 

A silence fell across the room and heads slowly began to turn in Richie’s direction as he continued to dig through his bag clearly looking for something. After a beat, Richie noticed the peculiar silence and stood up straight turning back to face his friends “What?” He questioned raising an eyebrow curiously. Scanning over the faces of the losers they all looked like they’d seen a ghost, something on the tip of all their tongues ready to speak but like they were afraid something would break. Beverly was the first to move, standing slowly and taking a careful step in “Richie...Honey.” Richie frowned. Why was everyone looking at him like that? Was it something he said? The losers knew what Eddie was like, this couldn’t be new information to them. It was becoming unsettling and Richie took a step back, not realizing what he was doing “What? You know Eddie man. He’ll find any excuse to believe something will kill him or one of us but I’m sure he’ll let Big Bill’s pepperoni pizza slip for one night. I’m just warning you all for when he gets back from the bathroom.” Concerned looks started passing between the losers, all having some secret conversation in the language of eye contact that Richie never really understood growing up or now even. Ben was the next to speak, but unlike Beverly, he stayed planted firmly in his seat “Richie...Dude. Eddie isn’t here.” Richie looked around the faces of his friends once more, looking for something, anything, that would give away that he misread the situation that he simply misunderstood but he was just met back with worried eyes and furrowed brows. Richie took another step back as Beverly attempted to move in closer “I..I don’t understand. You guys aren’t funny.” 

Darkness. Nothing but. 

Then a voice. Loving and real. Something to pull him out of this void he hadn’t realized he’d fallen into. When the light came back he met warm brown eyes “Hey there he is! I think I got him for real!” He just felt relief, happiness, and then…

Blood. Lot’s of it. His name being called, faintly and broken. Nothing but pain and fear behind it. There was so much blood. 

Holding him. Feeling the dead weight of him in his arms. No. Not dead. 

Eddie. 

Eddie was fine. No Eddie was still in the sewer under Derry. Eddie came back to LA with him. Eddie couldn’t have, he’d died. 

“Eddie.” He wasn’t in that sewer anymore. He was in his friends' kitchen. It was Halloween. They killed that fucking clown but not before he got- “Eddie’s gone, Richie. I’m so sorry honey.” Richie shook his head but he didn’t know why he was disagreeing he’d held him as he died. Richie looked around at everyone. When had they got closer? And Beverly’s arms were around him now “But he...he drove here with me. He came in with me.” Ben reached out slowly and put a hand on his shoulder “You came here alone Rich.” 

“It’s not uncommon to experience hallucinations with PTSD but to the extent at which you’re experiencing them. Creating a life with the person you lost. I would suggest increasing your dosage or even trying something stronger.” That’s what his therapist had said. Hallucinations she’d called them. That’s all he was. A hallucination. Richie raised a hand to his head covering his face. Ben was right. He’s driven here alone. He must have there was no way Eddie could have come with him. Eddie was gone. Eddie was dead. Stanley. Stanley and Eddie weren’t coming back. 

Richie felt as more arms wrapped tightly around him, whispering comfortingly to him. Richie took his hand away when it grew wet. He was crying. When had he started crying? “I’m sorry Rich. We didn’t realize it was this bad.” It wasn’t always this bad, his mind was starting to clear of the fog of delusions his brain had conceived. When the medication was working he didn’t see him. He knew the truth. He must have forgotten a dose. Or maybe it wasn’t an accident but his delusions couldn’t continue with the living breathing truth of that night staring him right in the face. Richie didn’t move but instead turned to look at the bodies surrounding him “I’m sorry. I’m sorry it’s not always this bad. I shouldn’t have...I know. I know he’s gone.” He rubbed at his face with the back of his sleeve “I’ll be fine in a minute. Honestly.” He felt Beverly press a gentle kiss to the side of his temple, arms still wrapped tightly never faltering “We’re all here regardless. Tonight and whenever you need us.” There were quick nods and words of agreement to which Richie responded with a lopsided smile “Thanks guys.” 

It was around 3 in the morning and the others had all fallen into the comfort of sleep but Richie was still up. He looked around at the other sleeping losers and simply sighed. He stood up quietly and made his way to the kitchen to grab some of the leftover pizza, hoping it would help lull him to sleep. 

“Seriously. Do you guys not understand that processed foods can cause cancer? I doubt half these ingredients are as fresh as they say they are and most pizza bases contain genetically modified soya bean oil. Did you know that Rich?” Eddie was sat at the breakfast island, frowning and arms crossed. Richie shook his head sadly “You’re not here Eds.” “Really Trashmouth? Then tell me where am I?” Richie looked away not wanting to face looking at him “I don’t know. Somewhere much better I hope.” Eddie stood up and moved slowly in towards Richie “Where would be better than here with you?” Eddie’s hand gently found Richie’s cheek moving it so they were looking at each other “I don’t know. Heaven? Something else like that?” Eddie leaned up smiling and gently pressing a kiss to Richie’s lips “Maybe this is my heaven, Rich.” Richie’s hand came up to gently cup Eddie’s cheek “At the extent of everyone else thinking I’m crazy? That sounds like some dickish shit you would do.” Eddie laughed gently “Yeah it does.” Richie sighed “Or maybe I am just crazy.” Eddie took Richie’s hand in his own “Not to me you’re not.” 

He knew he wasn’t real. He did, but he could forgive himself for believing he was. The way his voice carried, the warmth of his skin and the light in his eyes could fool anyone into believing that right now Edward Kaspbrak was standing right in front of them, living and breathing. 

“I think you should go to sleep Rich. It’s late.” Eddie looked at him with concern, loving but different to the losers. A different type of love. Richie looked down again “But...What if I wake up and you’re gone again?” Eddie chuckled quietly as if it wasn’t just Richie who would hear him “You can’t get rid of me that easily Trashmouth.” Richie still looked skeptical so Eddie took his hand and smiled that warm, nerve breaking smile that no one could match. He began slowly pulling Richie back to the living room where the other losers slept soundly “Here. We’ll fall asleep together and I’ll still be here when you wake up.” Richie finally gave in and nodded, taking his place back on the sofa, lying down with his head against the headrest. Eddie climbed over Richie and pushed himself between the back of the sofa and Richie, resting his head against Richie’s chest and closing his eyes. Richie pulled the blanket over the two of them and wrapped his arm tightly and protectively around Eddie earning him a small smile “I love you, Richie.” Richie felt his heart skip a beat, his favourite words leaving his love’s lips “I love you too Eddie. Always.” 

The losers may think he’s crazy and his therapist but it was still Eddie’s arms he fell asleep in that night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to start these notes with:
> 
> I'm Sorry.
> 
> When I started writing this fic this was not at all how I had it mapped out in my head it was purely meant to be a fix-it fic but then I couldn't get this idea out of my head and I had to write it. 
> 
> Hopefully, I've got all this angst out of my system and I'll be able to write something happier next time.


End file.
